Long convoluted partial fail.

April 14, 2010, I broke my wrist. May 27, I finally found out it was broken, and got a cast on it. May 28, I went to the US-Czech Republic soccer game at Rentschler Field. Previously, I had decided I needed a favorite player on the US even though they were my fourth favorite national team at the time. Benny Feilhaber is Jewish and has beautiful eyes. Bingo.

I made a sign that said “C’Mon You Yanks! Please sign my cast” and had a seat in the front row. Two guys from US Soccer saw the sign and I told them who I wanted to sign my cast and said they’d see what they could do. My father and I left the game with an hour wait to get out of the parking lot, a trashed sign, and an empty cast. Thankfully I didn’t get any Feilhaber ink or manage to get to the Blue Rodeo show I’d found out was a week later, because I got my cast replaced fairly quickly by one that was waterproof and smelled less like wet dog.

We now know what happened during the World Cup, as it ended about 10 months ago.

Fast-forward to mid-April 2011. I got back from France and read a random newspaper to find out that – OMG – Feilhaber has joined the New England Revolution. Then I watched a Revs-Chivas game to find out that he’s doing a meet-and-greet at McGreevy’s on May 3. I have no emotion other than wanting to meet him.

May 3 I have an appointment, then headed to Hynes and walked over to the bar, with three patrons at 1 pm. I ran into Barnes and Noble, ate lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, then returned to the bar. Only a few more people had arrived by then, and they were all watching Barfa-Real Madrid. I left again to go for a walk and maybe use the wi-fi at Trident, but returned to watch the second half of the game, which I found depressing. After the game, I drowned myself in sugar and caffeine by hitting Sugar Heaven for dark chocolate clodhoppers then Starbucks to get a new book on my Kindle and have an iced soy mocha. I ran into a Revs fan at Starbucks but he didn’t see anyone else inside the bar.

I returned to the bar one more time, promising the bartender that I’d buy a drink after the meet and greet, then went for one more walk. By the time I got back, a Revs employee was standing outside the bar, and I got into conversation with him then finally walked inside, where I found the back of the bar rather full at 6 pm. A bunch of Revs employees were already setting up, plus about 30 fans were already hanging out. I started talking to the fan I’d met in Starbucks and his two female companions. I was already babbling, and it’s not like this was a celebrity I really wanted to meet.

Well, when Benny finally walked into the bar, I was, sadly, totally amazed at how short he was. If I hadn’t known he was coming I wouldn’t have recognized him. He went to the back of the room and sat down at a table with his girlfriend and people started to line up.

I got in line behind the guy I met at Starbucks and said I’d take a picture with his phone if he took a picture with my camera. This wasn’t a good idea. It took me three shots to get a picture taken with his phone, and my camera was far worse. After I babbled and introduced myself and shook hands, a clusterfuck of epic proportions emerged. We couldn’t figure out how to get the flash to fire, as it was dark in the bar, and Benny just had to stand there with his arm around me for an embarrassing amount of time while we finally got a good picture on my camera. I apologized six or so times, and probably turned bright red. I blushed for quite a while afterwards, then said “incredibly embarrassed, must drink copiously.” For me, drinking copiously means one alcoholic beverage.

Luckily, Comcast Sportsnet WAS able to get a good picture of us, so I actually have that on my computer. After I got that, I basically told everyone “If I leave now, I can make it home in time for ‘Glee,'” which I managed with a minute to spare.

The next day, I had an MRI on my borked knee, and I realized that everything would have come full circle if there had been a fire drill at the hospital like on May 27, 2010. I do, however, now want to go to the US-Spain game at Gillette Stadium and make a sign that says “BENNY, PLEASE SIGN MY KNEE BRACE!” if I happen to be wearing one, as I did tell him about the cast.

It wasn’t until far after the meet and greet that I remembered the “No Air” clip and the dreams I’ve had about Benny. Thank goodness, as I imagine they would have been embarrassing to think about during the meeting. I turned red enough already.

I can’t believe Kickette actually managed to interview him.

Proof that Benny is pocket-sized:

pocket-sized Benny

My camera now officially puts the fail in Feilhaber.

I had forgotten about him for quite a while, but he is now on my mind in quite a big way. He’s now off my list, however, not only because I’ve met him, but because not only does he have a girlfriend, he’s tiny and I’d crush him if anything untoward yet consensual happened. But all I can say right now is…oh wait, I don’t want to scare off anyone who might read my blog. But the dude’s adorable and I think getting a picture with him counts as being able to take him home with me.


About rustynation

I'm not Canadian, I swear.
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